Batman and Joker
by InuApril1445
Summary: What happens when the Dark Knight and the Clown Prince of Crime team up to stop...Batman? Whoah, you've gotta check this out!
1. Prologue: Batman Robs a Bank?

**Me: Guess what, Batman?**

**Batman: What?**

**Me: I'm officially in the Batman universe! Whoop-whoop!**

**Batman: Fantastic. Gotham can always use extra crime fighters.**

**Me: ...Sure...that's what I'm doing here...crime fighting.**

**Batman: Otherwise I'd have to wrap you up and throw you into jail or Arkham.**

**Me: Listen, Batsy. I don't own you, nor did I create you. Someone beat me to those rights.**

**Batman: ...Great.**

**Me: Now, onto the story. Hope you guys like it! Please, please, PLEASE review!**

Two Weeks Ago-Outside the Bank of Gotham

It was a dark night, but reporter April Gonzalez had a news report to do, and she wasn't about to let the public down, especially when the story was so big.

The camera man gave her three fingers, then two, then one.

"Thank you, Jack Ryder," April said, hearing her cue on her earpiece. "Well, Gotham has not slept well tonight, or any night this week, as store after store, house after house has been robbed and torn to pieces. There have been several injuries, but no deaths so far. All the stories are the same. The family leaves the home, sometimes just to take out the garbage, a black-clad figure swoops in, knocks them all out, then robs the house, leaving nothing but furniture. The disturbing is, the majority of the victims claim that it was the Dark Knight, Batman, who struck them."

April pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "The new D.A., Benjamin "Bean" Wrucey, has assured us that Batman is once again in Gotham's most-wanted, but for this helpless woman, there can be no consolation." April turned to the woman she had had off camera for interviewing. "What happened that night, when you were robbed along with everyone else in your apartment floor?"

The woman was ghastly pale, covering the majority of her face with a classy red hat. She had on an overcoat the was bulging on all sides. "Well," she said in an extremely fragile, high-pitched voice, "I was on the floor beneath me. The plumbing had gone out in my floor, so I had to go all the way downstairs, and, well, being old, and not having-"

"Yes," April interrupted before that line of thinking could go any farther.

"I went back upstair about fifteen minutes later. To my surprise, I saw Batman passing me by. He had the mask, the cape, the muscles, everything!"

"Are you sure it was Batman?"

"Oh, and the worst part is that I saw the bags he was carrying. It was only when I had gotten upstairs that I realized that my entire floor had been stolen from. See, everyone had waited as long as they could, but everyone has to go at some point, and we all happened to go at the same time!"

"Lovely. But are you it was Batman?" April asked once again.

"Of course she isn't!" A voice from above Bank of Gotham answered, then burst into a fit of hysterical laughter.

"Joker!" April exclaimed, motioning for the camera man to get a shot of the Gotham criminal.

"Hello, ladies and gents! Joker here!" Joker smiled at the camera. His hair was green and slicked back. As always, he was wearing his very best (only) purple suit with a pink flower attached at the pocket. Joker jumped down, landing nimbly on the ground even though he had been two stories up. April gasped.

"Now, folks, I know Batsy better than anybody in the world!" Joker gushed, putting his arm around April as he walked up to her. Grabbing the mike out of her hand, he continued, "Batman wouldn't just go and ruin my fun by being the bad guy. Not when I'm the most fiendish fiend in all of Gotham!"

"So, are you taking the blame for these robberies?" April asked, being a reporter to the very end.

"No," Joker said simply.

"Then how can you know for sure that-" April was interrupted by the Bank of Gotham's blaring alarm. "An alarm at the bank! He was distracting us!" April couldn't help a small smile. She'd be anchor for sure with all this breaking news in one report.

Joker, meanwhile, looked puzzled. "But..." he said, completely bewildered, "that wasn't me!"

The doors of the bank flew open. Everyone waited in silence for a whole minute. Finally, a thin rope emerged, burying itself into a roof above the bank and across the street. In a flash, a caped figure flew out, pulled by the string. The camera caught every movement. It would later be the most popular video on YouTube for the day.

Batman had robbed a bank.

...

Bruce Wayne watched the entire live news piece. He was in the middle of putting on the Batsuit and heading out to put Joker in Arkham Asylum...again...when he saw Batman come out of the bank. He would have gladly gone down there and arrested Batman, too, but the only problem was, _he_ was Batman!

"Alfred!" Bruce yelled, picking up the pace. Sometimes it was hard to wear a Batsuit over a tuxedo.

"Yes, Master Bruce?" Alfred asked, entering the Batcave. Then his eyes caught the huge television monitor. "My word! Then it is true!" Alfred looked back and forth between Bruce and the TV. "But you're here!"

"Then I guess someone's impersonating Batman again," Bruce groaned, finally putting on his mask and getting into the Batmobile. "Don't wait up, Alfred."

"As always, Master Bruce," Alfred said, heading back upstairs. There was going to be a party in the mansion the next night, and he had that to plan for. Batman would be able to handle himself just fine.

...

Joker managed to get away. He had things to think over now. "So, Bats, you decided to join the bad side?" he thought out loud. He was in his lair, pacing back and forth. "But if you're the villain, and I'm your arch-nemesis, does that make me," Joker gulped, "the hero? Ech!" He couldn't stand the thought.

"But it's no fun if we're on the same side!" he lamented.

Harley Quinn entered the lair then. "What's the matter, Mr. J?" she asked, recognizing his worried expression.

"Oh, Harley," Joker said, slumping onto the floor, "Batsy's gone and ruined the game again!"

"Aww. Did her stop one of your heists again?" Harley asked. Had the boss even had a robbery or something planned for today?

"No, no! He did the heist!" Joker shook his head. Then, an idea struck him. He could've barfed. Standing up straight, he exclaimed, "I'm just gonna have to help Bats!"

Harley gasped. Then the roof of the lair burst open in an explosion. Batman flew in, knocking Harley down during his landing. That hadn't been planned, but Batman didn't show any hesitation. Harley was knocked out, and his target was Joker.

"What are you planning?" Batman asked, gripping Joker by the collar.

"Hello to you, too, Batsy!" Joker said, a smile spread across his face. "If I had known I was getting company, I would've cleaned up the place!" Joker indicated a completely bare room with the exception of the three people in it.

Batman glared. "Who's taking up the Batman mantle now? Penguin? Catwoman? Or are you just using Harley as a stand-in to rob the bank?" Joker just laughed, head tilted back. Batman shook him. "This isn't funny, Joker. I know you know what's going on?"

Joker managed to wipe a tear from his eye. "Oh, so you're not the bad guy here, Bats! I knew you wouldn't betray me like that!"

Batman paused for a moment. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing. I don't know what's going on, Batsy, Joker's honor!" Joker raised his left hand.

"If you had any honor, you would raise the right hand," Batman said.

Joker looked at his hand. "Right hand!" Joker shouted. "Good one, Bats!" He went into another laughing fit.

Batman was getting really tired of this. "You're going back to Arkham, Joker. If I need anything, I'll know where to find you." Batman looked back at Harley. "And she's going too. But this time you guys will be in opposite wings." Really. Arkham had put their cells next to each other. How did they not expect them to escape?

"Do what you want, Bats!" Joker managed to say through fits of laughter. "You'll come back to me, and I'll help you then." All of a sudden, he stopped laughing, deadly serious. "We'll be partners in this one."

Joker managed to keep that straight face for exactly three seconds before he burst out laughing again.

**Me: Done with the prologue!**

**Joker: Prologue? You're evil!**

**Me: What?**

**Joker: You're stalling the entire story like that? No one's gonna review.**

**Me: Bet you a whoopie cusion they will!**

**Joker: ...You're on! *Insert laughter here***


	2. Chapter 2: Shaking Hands

**A/N: I do not own Batman in any way, shape, or form.**

**InuApril: So, I've finally made it to Gotham City, and let me tell ya, it's AWESOME! I mean, it's beautiful, if you take away the pollution and slums and criminals-**

**Penguin: I'll be taking that!**

**InuApril: My purse! Oh, where's a Batman when you need one?**

Present Day-The Batcave

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since "Batman" supposedly robbed the Bank of Gotham. Two weeks since the real Batman's encounter with Joker. Two weeks of investigating the new Batman impostor in town.

And in those two weeks? Bruce was still at a dead end.

"I just don't get it, Alfred," Bruce sighed. His bat-mask was hanging loosely from his suit, resembling a hoodie, and his Batsuit was saggy from constant use.

"Well sir, maybe you've been observing the problem for too long," Alfred said, standing behind Bruce's chair and staring at the huge computer screens looming above them. "I daresay, you haven't left the Batcave since that dreadful robbery. Why not go outside, get some sun?" Maybe relaxing a bit would help solve this predicament."

"But I can't just leave!" Bruce protested, leaning back in his chair. "The less time I spend researching his crime patterns, the more likely he is to do something bigger, and I do not need another Joker on my hands."

"Master Bruce," Alfred said, leaning down so that he was eye-to-eye with Bruce, "what good will sitting here in the cave do if you can't figure out the problem? You might as well try to figure it out during a walk, or something along those lines. Don't you have an appointment with that new District Attorney today, anyway?"

Bruce immediately perked up. "You're right. How could I have forgotten?"

Alfred shrugged. "I know you've been looking forward to this for weeks, ever since the man got elected."

"Thanks for reminding me, Alfred," Bruce said, rising from his chair and heading toward the bat-exit.

"And don't worry about a thing, Master Bruce. If something pops up on the computer, you'll be the second to know, right behind myself."

Bruce smiled back at his manservant. "You're the best, Alfred!"

Alfred waited until Bruce was gone before replying, "Ya better believe it, baby." Then he went back to work as though nothing new had happened.

Outside the District Attorney's Office

As soon as Bruce had hit the fresh air, he felt instantly better. He breathed everything in for about a second, then went on his way, busy as always. After all, Bruce Wayne was sometimes just as busy as Batman, and he had a reputation to keep.

It had taken him a few minutes to get his tuxedo over his Batsuit, but that was just a day in the life of Bruce Wayne. He drove through traffic and somehow managed to make his appointment with the new D.A., Benjamin Wrucey, also known as "Bean" due to his ability to move from one task to another. One day, he could do a campaign shoot, the next he could be doing paperwork, and sudden changes never seemed to hinder him. This level of adaptability was one of the reasons that he had gotten the new job.

Even Bruce thought that Bean was doing an excellent job as D.A. so far, but he always made a point of meeting the people who would be chasing him during his "night-shift". He wanted to know if Bean would help him in his crusade against crime, or just falter under the pressure.

"Mr. Wayne!" Bean exclaimed as soon as Bruce came into his office. He had obviously been signing a huge stack of papers, but he pushed them aside as though they were nothing. "A pleasure to finally meet you!"

"Mr. Wrucey," Bruce acknowledged, shaking Bean's hand before sitting down. "The pleasure's all mine. Although I must say, I wasn't expecting you to know me so quickly."

"Oh, everyone knows the famous Bruce Wayne, youngest CEO of Gotham and still the life of any party. You're a celebrity in my books."

"Well, it's good to know that my taxes are going to such a fan." Bruce smiled good-naturedly. "Speaking of which, how's the job treating you? Getting all the criminals out there."

Bean scoffed, thinking momentarily. "I'd like to say that things are going well. We've arrested all of the most notorious criminals in Gotham. The only problem is," Bean leaned forward, as though about to tell a secret, "they keep escaping prison or Arkham, or whatever place we send them to. You have an impregnable jail, and yet they somehow make it pregnable. It's ridiculous. And now that Batman's gone bad, well-"

The two stopped. Finally, Bruce had to ask. "What do you think of Batman, Mr. Wrucey?"

Bean tsked. "I can certainly tell you what I used to think." Bruce waited. With a sigh, Bean continued, "Honestly, I used to look up the guy. He's been fighting criminals for what seems to most Gothamites like forever. He's the Superman that we always hoped for. However, I suppose we all knew that one day Batman would crack. I mean, why would he want to protect a city like ours forever?"

"Then he could have stopped crime-fighting and just led a normal life," Bruce interjected.

"Well, if that's what you think, how do you expect the robberies? The only Batman Gotham's seen in the best couple of weeks is the one who ranks up there with Mr. Freeze and Joker. And, much like any other person who threatens Gotham, it's my job to stop him. At all costs."

Neither man said anything for awhile. Bruce wasn't sure whether he was happy or disgusted with this man's performance now. He was doing what he thought was right, but that only made the real Batman's job harder.

At long last, Bruce broke the silence. "I saw that secretary you have outside."

Bean chuckled. After that, it was small talk about basketball games and hunting. At the end of the meeting, Bean and Bruce were shaking hands again.

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Wrucey," Bruce said, heading out the door.

"Please, call me Bean. That is, if I can call you Bruce."

Bruce chuckled. "Deal."

That Night-Arkham Asylum

It was time for round two of Batman vs. Joker, and this time, Batman would get his answers. Something inside him always wanted to blame Joker for every crime committed in Gotham. In all honesty, the Clown Prince of Crime had brought that suspicion upon himself.

And he was mighty proud of that.

"Joker!" Batman grunted, entering Joker's cell without any of the Arkham staff noticing. This was going to be a private visit.

"Ah, look who's back! I knew you wouldn't just leave me here, Bats!" Joker exclaimed before erupting into a fit of laughter. Batman didn't worry about the staff coming. They'd heard Joker laugh enough to not come when he got into one of his laughing zones.

"I want answers about the impostor!"

"What, did someone sneak into Arkham?" Joker made a show of looking all around his cell. "Oh, wait, that would be you!" Another burst of laughter. If Batman hadn't gotten tired of that laugh years before, he most certainly would have tonight.

"I'm not playing games, Joker!"

"You never do!" Joker pouted momentarily, then struck a serious face. "And neither was I when I told you that I had nothing to do with that Batfreak! Why would I ever want to ruin our heartfelt relationship of cat and bat? Huh?"

Batman rolled his eyes.

"Listen, don't believe me? How about a deal." Here, Joker smiled. "You let me help you. You know, give me a computer, let me hack a network, heck, throw me in with those mob bosses. I have connections that you'll never have, and, seeing how exactly two weeks twelve hours and forty-six minutes have gone by and you still haven't caught your bat-fan, I'd say you need my help."

Batman couldn't believe Joker was actually calling for a truce. This was not how he'd planned the night going. Maybe some punching, interrogating, flying, but definitely no alliances. However, "I can't trust you, Joker, let alone let you into my headquarters."

"Then handcuff me and let me prove myself! Blindfold me on the way, I won't peek." Joker's coughing, trying to cover up his laughter, told Batman otherwise.

"So, you just want to help me? No sub-plan or conditions?"

"Well, I do want a two week's head start on planning after this whole thing is over. That means no chasing Harley and me. But what's that to you? You'll probably capture us as soon as that two week period's up!"

Now there was something Batman would never agree to. "Listen, if you help me, I'll give you a big, red nose and call you Rudolph, but that's all you'll ever get from me."

Joker considered it for a minute. Then he stuck out his handcuffed hands. "Deal, Batsy!"

Bruce couldn't believe it. That day, he had shaken one of the best men in Gotham's hands. Now he was shaking Joker's?

_Sometimes, this double-life really stinks._ If Joker had heard that thought, no amount of coughing would have covered up his laugh attack.

**InuApril: *pant pant* Man, how is such a chubby penguin so fast?**

**Penguin: How can you possibly be so slow?**

**InuApril: My energy bar was in there! Give me a break!**

**Penguin: Ooooh! Energy bar!**

**InuApril: Geez. While I try to catch this bird, WITHOUT ANY BATMAN HELP!, please review! it's really, truly appreciated.**

**Penguin: This is actually pretty good!**

**InuApril: No! My energy bar! It had chocolate in it!**


End file.
